One thing I have learned this past year from my coach, Kris Plachy, is that sometimes just noticing something about myself – a behavior, belief or pattern – is enough to get me to change it (if it’s something I think I need to change).
Awareness is powerful.
Sometimes it is all you need.
Other times, awareness feels like sitting under a ton of bricks. It can be a heavy weight to realize something about myself, especially if it is something I would like to be different.
When sitting under a load of bricks I see two choices for myself:
- Sit and be uncomfortable.
- Do the uncomfortable work of moving each brick.
When leaving Hawaii (see blog post “What Got Me Started”), I was newly aware of my habit of niceness at my own expense. On the way to the airport I felt a little lighter with this awareness, it was a good realization for me.
At the airport, I did my last minute souvenir shopping (doesn’t everyone need a wobbling hula girl and good luck money tiki?) and headed to the airport restaurant for dinner and a glass of wine. As it got close to boarding time I headed to the gate, still feeling lighter (although that could have been the wine). I approached the gate with my listening ears on trying to hear which group was allowed to board. I glanced around the area and there in the crowd I noticed something. It was the back of the bald head of my seat mate from my trip to Hawaii.
Aaahhhhhh! I swiftly went into hideout mode. As I moved into a secure hiding spot the bricks started falling on top of me and all of the sudden the weight of my new awareness became very very heavy.
This was not going to be one of those aware and done situations.
Why is setting a boundary for myself so scary? Scary enough to make me hide? Can I speak up for myself and not worry about how another person might take it? So what if someone else thinks I am not nice? I know I am, right? Can I find my voice and speak it knowing that what I say truly comes from a thoughtful and caring place? And sometimes that thoughtfulness and care includes myself? Which at times others may interpret as something negative? Or sometimes because I care about someone or some cause or some standard I might say something another person might not like to hear and can I do that without the whiplash of “was I nice enough?” smacking me back in the head? Can I be that brave?
These are my bricks to move…